Blast Radius

Notes and errata (mainly errata) from the mind and life of Nicolas Barajas.

September 16

Part of the problem of having a generalist’s mind is that you never feel like you’re fully understood or even fully in conversation with other people because you always kind of have to modify your conversation to the other person’s worldview.

You can’t go all the way and make all the connections to things because you lose people. And it isn’t a case of that your ideas are so heavy that you lose them because they’re not smart enough to get ’em; it’s just a wide knowledge of the world.

Always great to hear interesting words from John Roderick, but these lines from Systematic really rung true for me.

101 notes · Reblogged from tj ·

August 23

One of the great fears—among a life of great fears, perhaps the last great fear—is the fear of being no longer useful. We find a role in life, and we do that role to the best of our ability for as long as that ability is there. But all of us—even me, dear listeners—will someday hit a point where we no longer are able to do that thing that we define ourselves by doing.

And more than the fear of injury, more than the fear of death—this is the fear that looms: The loss of self. The self that is the self we imagined we were our whole lives.

But we were never that self, not really. We were only a series of selves, living one role and then leaving it for another. And all the time convincing ourselves that there was no change, that we were always the same person living the same life: One arc to a finish, not the stutter-stop improvisation that is our actual lives.

Worry less about the person you once were—or, the person you dream you someday will be. Worry about the person you are now.

Or: Don’t even worry! Just be that person. Be the best version of that person you can be. Be a better version than any of the other versions in any of the many parallel universes.

Check regularly online to see the rankings.

Cecil is dropping some serious knowledge on the latest episode of “Welcome to Night Vale.”

6 notes

July 12
luckyshirt:

I guess I’d better put this here before the announcement. Until somewhat recently, I struggled with thoughts of suicide. I never told anyone. Looking back, I can blame a lot of things and one person (if he can be called that), but it was my recent success that caused real problems. I had made a life out of dying. I ate more than I should have. Drank more than I should have, started abusing substances I shouldn’t have, got involved with people I shouldn’t have, did whatever I could to hurt myself without actually outright hurting myself. Because I fucking hated myself. Because that’s just how it was for me. And the success of the things I made opposed that. Tipped the scales, I guess. So the self-harm increased to match it. And I succeeded at keeping myself miserable. Until one day things got too good. I got on a plane (not this one), absolutely convinced it was going down. That’s another story. But it didn’t. And I had to accept that my life was going to be good whether I could accept it or not. Worse, I had to accept that it had always been mostly good. Well, starting around the age of 19. I stayed sad because I wanted to. Because it was what I knew. But I have now lived that 19-year-old’s life twice. Once through things he could not control, and once through things he could. And I guess I just got tired of hating myself. I got a lot of support online. Mostly because I begged for it through more attention whoring than should be legal, but I can forgive myself for that. For all of it, really. Because the universe and I have come to a sort of agreement. Now: why put this here, or anywhere? Well, somewhere at my core is a man who wants to help people. It’s why I taught. Why I helped people with disabilities. Why I was in the ministry until I lost my faith. Why I love being a father. And maybe someone else will read this, and see that even when you don’t want the darkness to end, it still sometimes does. Just on its own. I can’t explain it, and I don’t care to try. These days I’m happy to just accept it. But what I wish someone had told me some time ago is this: if you make it long enough, one day you’ll actually WANT to be happy. So make it long enough.

This speaks to me in an important way. Thank you for writing it.

luckyshirt:

I guess I’d better put this here before the announcement. Until somewhat recently, I struggled with thoughts of suicide. I never told anyone. Looking back, I can blame a lot of things and one person (if he can be called that), but it was my recent success that caused real problems. I had made a life out of dying. I ate more than I should have. Drank more than I should have, started abusing substances I shouldn’t have, got involved with people I shouldn’t have, did whatever I could to hurt myself without actually outright hurting myself. Because I fucking hated myself. Because that’s just how it was for me. And the success of the things I made opposed that. Tipped the scales, I guess. So the self-harm increased to match it. And I succeeded at keeping myself miserable. Until one day things got too good. I got on a plane (not this one), absolutely convinced it was going down. That’s another story. But it didn’t. And I had to accept that my life was going to be good whether I could accept it or not. Worse, I had to accept that it had always been mostly good. Well, starting around the age of 19. I stayed sad because I wanted to. Because it was what I knew. But I have now lived that 19-year-old’s life twice. Once through things he could not control, and once through things he could. And I guess I just got tired of hating myself. I got a lot of support online. Mostly because I begged for it through more attention whoring than should be legal, but I can forgive myself for that. For all of it, really. Because the universe and I have come to a sort of agreement. Now: why put this here, or anywhere? Well, somewhere at my core is a man who wants to help people. It’s why I taught. Why I helped people with disabilities. Why I was in the ministry until I lost my faith. Why I love being a father. And maybe someone else will read this, and see that even when you don’t want the darkness to end, it still sometimes does. Just on its own. I can’t explain it, and I don’t care to try. These days I’m happy to just accept it. But what I wish someone had told me some time ago is this: if you make it long enough, one day you’ll actually WANT to be happy. So make it long enough.

This speaks to me in an important way. Thank you for writing it.

123 notes · Reblogged from luckyshirt

June 18
May 28
Sadness and happiness do not exist on different planets. They go hand in hand. Learning to feel sadness without shame is a pretty crucial prerequisite for happiness.
Ask Polly strikes again with another barnburner.

2 notes

May 20
everythinginthesky:

Dr. Dre’s letter to his girlfriend back in 1995, having run across Burning Man back when it was ~5000 people.


  Nicole,
  Hope you doing well and you realized you need to quit fuckin with Sedale and come home to your Doctor. I will take care of you baby girl. 
  I’m in Nevada with Hype lookin at spots for this new video we are shooting for that single I told you pac is going to be on once he is out called California Love. We met a bunch of crazy, naked motherfuckers in the desert today. They were putting up some type of giant wood man. I guess they have a big party and were for a bunch of days. I asked them how much they pay, they said “nothing”, I was like, no money? Someone should get behind this shit and make some loot of these fools cause they said there will be 5000 people. I think I will have my office look into it, just to see if there is easy money to be had here. I’m bout to pass out girl, wish I was up in that ass. 
  See you back in LA
  Dre


I was talking about this with yrfriendliz last night.

everythinginthesky:

Dr. Dre’s letter to his girlfriend back in 1995, having run across Burning Man back when it was ~5000 people.

Nicole,
Hope you doing well and you realized you need to quit fuckin with Sedale and come home to your Doctor. I will take care of you baby girl. I’m in Nevada with Hype lookin at spots for this new video we are shooting for that single I told you pac is going to be on once he is out called California Love. We met a bunch of crazy, naked motherfuckers in the desert today. They were putting up some type of giant wood man. I guess they have a big party and were for a bunch of days. I asked them how much they pay, they said “nothing”, I was like, no money? Someone should get behind this shit and make some loot of these fools cause they said there will be 5000 people. I think I will have my office look into it, just to see if there is easy money to be had here. I’m bout to pass out girl, wish I was up in that ass. See you back in LA
Dre

I was talking about this with yrfriendliz last night.

26 notes · Reblogged from everythinginthesky

April 28
April 16
So we did a few episodes in the beginning where Finn was really panicked about things; he had all these problems? You’d go, “Oh, I don’t know what to do!”—and I hated that. It made me feel terrible. So, I made sure, I tried to wipe all of that out so that Finn could be more like Jean-Luc. So you’d feel… comfortable and enjoy watching him take care of a situation. And relax, and relate to him.
The Awl goes deep, as they say, on Adventure Time.

March 16

New York City Doesn’t Love You

johndevore:

Are you okay? Is New York getting to you? Are things not going according to plan?

Stop whining. For fuck’s sake. 

The plan you don’t plan for isn’t the plan you planned but it’s usually more original. Isn’t that why you moved to New York? To be original?

God, you didn’t move to play make-believe, did you?

Read More

I’m not sure how I feel about this essay, but I know I feel about it. Spend your time with it.

941 notes · Reblogged from johndevore ·